My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
