I puked a lego.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
