Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
