i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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