i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
