And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
