It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I supernannyed him into submission
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
