I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
