talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
