My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
