It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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