So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
