Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
