the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
