I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
