Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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