didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
