mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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