if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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