its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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