Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
