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I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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