Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
