The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it because I queefed?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
