you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
