i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
