so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
