I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
3pm strippers are depressing
My bed is full of blood and feathers
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
