he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
