The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
