I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
