Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
