I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
