I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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