The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
