I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
