u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
look no pants
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
