Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
