So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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