He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
