Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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