I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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