I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i've created a new STD.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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