i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
