Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
His hands were made for my vagina.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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