He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
