the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
