First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
