it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
