oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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