you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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