whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
did you just send me my own nude
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
