Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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