I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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