I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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