she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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