Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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