I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
