I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
